I know that I talk about this a lot, but it can be so easy to lose yourself in motherhood. Now, I don’t mean that being a mom isn’t the most amazing privilege in the whole world; I definitely believe this with my whole heart; but sometimes it becomes your only identity. While my husband is the most incredible human being in the world, I find it so hard to be able to convey to him this feeling that I have struggled with since earning the title of “mommy”.
I know that he would do absolutely anything in the world to make me feel valued and like a total mom rock star, but its so hard to describe how much this little person that you birthed, or adopted, that you became a mommy to, has completely taken over your life; in the most amazing and the most challenging way. Maybe you are super woman, and you never lost your identity in motherhood, which in that case, I need all your wisdom, knowledge, and secrets! Or maybe you haven’t realized it yet. It took me awhile to find out why I just didn’t feel “like myself”.
This struggle is all too real to me. Some days I feel like I was made for this being a mom thing, which SPOILER: I was! But some days, I question what I am doing with my life. There is no way to prepare you for the transition into motherhood. Nothing to get you ready to care for someone else- endlessly. It consumes your life. Just to be clear, this is not a complaint, I absolutely would NOT trade my amazing kids for ANYTHING in this world BUT that does not neglect the fact that it is HARD!!!
This transition still hits me in the face, even after 2 1/2 years. The hardest part is accepting that, in this season, I can’t be as involved with the church as I would like to be. Man, this is so, so hard for me to accept. I have fought this reality kicking and screaming.
In High School, I felt called into the ministry and since then I have chased this dream wholeheartedly.
Have you had passions or dreams that you have put on the back burner since becoming a mom?
Now, I should say that I am still involved in ministry, its just not in the capacity that I am used to or that is ideal for me and my ways. I know all you seasoned moms out there will remind me that I will miss these times with my kids and look back and cherish these moments. I know that is all too true… which makes me feel guilty for having these moments where I wish I was somewhere else, doing something else.
I am being so real with you, friends.
There are moments where I am filled with envy and jealousy. I see my amazing hubby living out and walking in the same passions and dreams that I have, and it is so hard to not feel like I am missing out. I look at him longingly, wishing I could be there by his side doing ministry full-time with him.
I love my kids so much it hurts.
I love my husband so much it hurts.
And I love ministry so much it hurts.
Sometimes, we forget that what we are facing right now is not going to last forever.
In this season, I’ve been praying for the Lord to give me contentment. I want to be content in this season without forgetting and completely neglecting my dreams. This is something I must do to thrive. I must continue to dream. I want to be able to teach my kids to dream and chase after those dreams. I can’t do that if I don’t dream myself.
So, keep dreaming. God has BIG dreams in store for you, and for me.
In these moments when I am SO VERY aware of my weaknesses, I am beyond humbled and thankful that I have a God who is strong enough to carry me.
PRAYER: Jesus, I thank you for everyone reading this blog. I pray that you use my struggles and my weaknesses to encourage even just one person out there. I pray you be with all my mom friends out there. I pray that you would send them some encouragement. Being a mom is so hard on its own without adding other struggles or trials they may be facing. I pray that you fill them with peace, hope, and new dreams. Speak your dreams into their lives. Thank you for what you have done and are yet to do. Amen.
Action: Take some time for yourself this week. Do something you LOVE! Write down some dreams that you want to see become reality. Take time to be refreshed and remind yourself that you are not just an AMAZING mom, but YOU are an AMAZING, and unique individual with gifts and talents!
I am praying for you dear friends. I am just taking this journey one step at a time and trying to be real and transparent in my weaknesses and allowing HIM to be my strength.
Love you all.
Let’s take on life together!