Momming & Ministry: Part II

I know that I talk about this a lot, but it can be so easy to lose yourself in motherhood.   Now, I don’t mean that being a mom isn’t the most amazing privilege in the whole world; I definitely believe this with my whole heart; but sometimes it becomes your only identity.   While my husband is the most incredible human being in the world, I find it so hard to be able to convey to him this feeling that I have struggled with since earning the title of “mommy”.

I know that he would do absolutely anything in the world to make me feel valued and like a total mom rock star, but its so hard to describe how much this little person that you birthed, or adopted, that you became a mommy to, has completely taken over your life; in the most amazing and the most challenging way.  Maybe you are super woman, and you never lost your identity in motherhood, which in that case, I need all your wisdom, knowledge, and secrets!   Or maybe you haven’t realized it yet.   It took me awhile to find out why I just didn’t feel “like myself”.

This struggle is all too real to me.  Some days I feel like I was made for this being a mom thing, which SPOILER: I was!  But some days,  I question what I am doing with my life.   There is no way to prepare you for the transition into motherhood.  Nothing to get you ready to care for someone else- endlessly.   It consumes your life.   Just to be clear, this is not a complaint, I absolutely would NOT trade my amazing kids for ANYTHING in this world BUT that does not neglect the fact that it is HARD!!!

This transition still hits me in the face, even after 2 1/2 years.   The hardest part is accepting that, in this season, I can’t be as involved with the church as I would like to be. Man, this is so, so hard for me to accept.  I have fought this reality kicking and screaming.

In High School, I felt called into the ministry and since then I have chased this dream wholeheartedly.

  Have you had passions or dreams that you have put on the back burner since becoming a mom?

Now, I should say that I am still involved in ministry, its just not in the capacity that I am used to or that is ideal for me and my ways.   I know all you seasoned moms out there will remind me that I will miss these times with my kids and look back and cherish these moments.   I know that is all too true… which makes me feel guilty for having these moments where I wish I was somewhere else, doing something else.

I am being so real with you, friends.

There are moments where I am filled with envy and jealousy.  I see my amazing hubby living out and walking in the same passions and dreams that I have, and it is so hard to not feel like I am missing out.   I look at him longingly, wishing I could be there by his side doing ministry full-time with him.

I love my kids so much it hurts.
I love my husband so much it hurts.
And I love ministry so much it hurts.

Sometimes, we forget that what we are facing right now is not going to last forever.

In this season, I’ve been praying for the Lord to give me contentment.  I want to be content in this season without forgetting and completely neglecting my dreams.  This is something I must do to thrive.  I must continue to dream.  I want to be able to teach my kids to dream and chase after those dreams.  I can’t do that if I don’t dream myself.

So, keep dreaming.   God has BIG dreams in store for you, and for me.

In these moments when I am SO VERY aware of my weaknesses, I am beyond humbled and thankful that I have a God who is strong enough to carry me.

PRAYER:  Jesus,  I thank you for everyone reading this blog.  I pray that you use my struggles and my weaknesses to encourage even just one person out there.  I pray you be with all my mom friends out there.  I pray that you would send them some encouragement.  Being a mom is so hard on its own without adding other struggles or trials they may be facing.  I pray that you fill them with peace, hope, and new dreams.  Speak your dreams into their lives.  Thank you for what you have done and are yet to do. Amen. 

Action:  Take some time for yourself this week.  Do something you LOVE!  Write down some dreams that you want to see become reality.   Take time to be refreshed and remind yourself that you are not just an AMAZING mom, but YOU are an AMAZING, and unique individual with gifts and talents!  

I am praying for you dear friends.   I am just taking this journey one step at a time and trying to be real and transparent in my weaknesses and allowing HIM to be my strength.
Love you all.

Let’s take on life together!

~Megan

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You Can’t Have Enough Ice Cream

Hey friends!

Yesterday was “one of those days.”  Where I was that mom and my son was that kid…  My incredibly sleep deprived self, got my kids up and at ’em, dropped my hubs off at work (I see you one vehicle families) and headed to summer book club!  Shout out to all you ladies who so kindly and graciously helped me in my state of craziness.   I hope the crazy exit we made didn’t keep you from hearing from the Lord!

I knew I had to leave early for Jaxon’s speech therapy but decided to go anyways.   I was really excited and knew Jaxon would have a great time playing with his friends and it would be a win for all of us.   Isn’t is great when your kids throw you for a loop?  As it turns out,  my son is not the super human who can function forever without sleep.  Apparently the perfect storm was brewing and decided to hit.  In the middle of book club.

I know that the ladies I’m surrounded by are all incredible and godly moms who were most likely not thinking about how I obviously don’t have my crap together and have no control over my kid.  I know that they are AMAZING and probably felt sorry for me and empathized with me.  I know thats how I feel when I see other moms in the same position.

Kid screaming and throwing a fit, baby crying because she’s hungry,  making a very loud and disruptive exit.   And I thought I would just sneak out.   Um no, not happening.   All of this after my toddler dumped toys out everywhere and kept screaming and having meltdowns.   Did I mention all the other children were perfect little angels?

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As I sat in the car, I immediately began texting my husband and telling him all about how horrible our child had been and how embarrassed I was.   I told him that I was never going back to book club again.   How I felt like a horrible mom.  How I don’t have any idea what I’m doing at this momming thing.  How I just felt like I couldn’t get it right.

Ever been there?

Some days go like this.  Some days I feel like a crazy person.  Some days I feel like I’m barely holding it together.

Some days I have ice cream for lunch.


But what happens when thats not enough? What happens when everything I try to do to comfort myself fails? What happens when nothing is good enough?

I find that when I try to do this on my own, I fail epically.  Ever since I became a mom, I’ve felt clueless on what I’m doing.  That’s why it’s vital that I rely on the Lord.

I need Him.

I am daily aware of my weakness.  While I can use that to remind me of my need for the Lord and the importance of dwelling in His presence, I tend to allow the enemy to use my weakness to imprison me.

My first thought when leaving book club was not, “I can’t do this, I so need the Lord’s help.” It was “I can’t do this. I’m not cut out for this. I’m never showing my face here again.”

The enemy likes to leverage these moments against us.  Remind us of our shortcomings and hold us hostage. He likes to feed our insecurities and negative thoughts so we don’t receive what God has for us.

How easy it is to allow the enemy to have this power over us.  How easy it is to focus on our weakness instead of the Lord’s strength.


Live in the Lord’s strength, freedom, and grace today. You CAN do it because God’s got you! He supplies all that we need.  We just have to ask Him.

Prayer: Lord, help me and anyone else who is struggling with this. Help us take our eyes off of ourselves and our weaknesses and place them on You and Your perfect strength.  Help us to rely on YOUR strength and not on our own.  Fill us up.  Encourage us.  Take over our way of doing things and help us to walk in Your ways.  Amen! 

Action:  When you find yourself dwelling on your failures and shortcomings, refocus yourself on God’s perfect strength.  Allow Him to lead you instead of doing it alone.

I am so thankful for my amazing mom friends.  I am thankful for the ones who call to encourage me when I feel like giving up.  Thank you to every lady who checked on me and empathized with my day.  I love you!

Surround yourself with these types of ladies and be that girl yourself.

Love you all! Let’s take on life together!

~ Megan

Insecurity vs. Obedience

Let me take a moment to say a sincere thank you to everyone who has read, commented, liked, responded, and started following Heart of a Girl!  You guys are my heroes!   Thank you for encouraging me and laughing with me!

When I first felt the Lord stirring my heart about starting a blog,  I was hit with a lot of insecurities, doubts, and fears.   I felt like I had nothing to say.  I felt like EVERYONE had a blog and I would be just another person with a blog.  I felt like I didn’t have anything to offer.  All these “What ifs” started flooding my mind: 

What if I don’t have anything to say?
What if I quit this like so many other things I’ve quit?
What if I don’t follow through?
What if I lose interest?
What if I don’t know what I’m doing?
What if I can’t keep up with posting?
What if I’m not any good?
What if I’m just another blogger lost in the blogosphere?
What if I fail?
What if I say the wrong thing?
What if no one wants to read what I have to say?
What if no one likes it?
What if people think its stupid?
What if this….
What if that…

   These endless thoughts, fears, doubts – insecurities; flooded my mind.  I was so focused on these insecurities that I almost allowed them to cause me to be disobedient.   At the end of the day, my obedience matters not the answers to “What ifs”.  Even if my worst “What if” comes true, all I need to know is that I followed the Lord, trusted Him, and was obedient.

What is the Lord speaking to you about?  Are you walking in obedience or are you walking in fear?   Are you stepping out in faith and trusting Him even though the outcome is uncertain?  Is your mind so fogged with insecurity that you can’t see His will for you?

                                           “ Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
                                        don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
                        Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
                                              he’s the one who will keep you on track.
                                                 Don’t assume that you know it all.”
                                            Proverbs 3:5-7   (The Message)

Prayer:  Lord, thank you for being patient and gracious with us when we allow insecurities and fears to determine our steps instead of You.  Help us to follow You even when we are afraid.  Help us to trust that You have a plan and that following You is the best thing we could do.  Help us to be obedient and step out wherever you call us.   We want to be obedient no matter what!   No matter how hard or scary it may seem, we are trusting You!  I pray that you begin working miracles in the lives of those who are taking a step of faith with You!  Show them your goodness and faithfulness. Amen.

Action:  Evaluate yourself and begin walking in obedience in any area that you may currently be walking in fear.

Here’s to ignoring that voice that yells at me “WHAT IF” every time I hit the “Publish” button.   You guys are awesome!

Let’s take on life together!

~ Megan

Some Days

Ever feel like you are nailing this parenting thing?  You know those days where you made it without completely losing your mind.  Your child listened and followed directions, you did art time, song time, taught them a thing or two, made lunch, all while managing to not flip out on anyone or have any sort of emotional breakdown.  A day where you are sad to lay them down for bed because you had such a great time with them that you just want to soak up every second that you can?

I had a day like this once… I think.

But – more times than not, I lose it at least once.  I know this doesn’t set me up to be “parent of the year” and certainly not SAHM of the year. Most days I mess up most things.  Most days I feel like I have NO IDEA what in the world I’m doing. Most days I wonder how much counseling my kids are going to need if they ever survive this. Most days I question my sanity and wonder how they let me leave the hospital with these kids.

 

Jaxon throwing a fit because I had the audacity to go to the bathroom.


On days when I feel like I can’t get one thing right or anything right at all and I feel like everything I do is the complete WRONG thing, when I feel like my child will never learn to be the kind, considerate, person I keep trying to shape him to be, when I feel like I will never get the hang of this momming thing, there are tiny sparkling moments throughout the day to remind me that its going to be okay.

Its amazing how HUGE a difference such a tiny moment can make in this mommy’s day.  All I need is one hug, one kiss, one kind action, one moment of listening and following directions, a new thing learned, a tiny milestone, a helpful moment, a silent moment (especially this one😉).  Just ONE of any of these things can melt my hardened heart.  They can melt my anger, selfishness, frustration, weariness, insecurities, and doubts. When all that melts away,  all that remains is love.  LOVE for this tiny human who has such a hold on me.  Who has this power over me to bring out my best  despite my worst.

 

He really does love his sister

In those moments I am reminded not only how much I love my wonderful and amazing children but also how the Lord feels that same (BUT MUCH GREATER) love for me and for you! It doesn’t matter how far we fall, how many mistakes we make, how many times we should’ve driven Him crazy, His grace for us exceeds what we could ever imagine. He loves us. He sits patiently waiting for us to realize our need for Him and He longs to help us.

In tough moments be encouraged and know that you are not alone. You were specifically chosen to be the mommy to your kiddos. There is no one else more qualified or who could do this job like you! God called you to your kids and He will help you when you ask!

“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”     Hebrews‬ ‭4:16‬ 

Prayer: Lord, I pray for every mom out there that is feeling discouraged and overwhelmed. Every mom who feels so lonely and inadequate. I pray you would encourage her and send deep friendships into her life to lift her up and love her. I pray you would give her peace and comfort knowing you are by her side.  Fill her mind with Your truth and dissolve the lies the enemy tries to get her to believe. Give her the strength she needs. Lead her in Your love and grace. Help her to become the mom You have called her to be and to be able to walk in that confidently. Amen.

Action: Reach out to another mommy this week. Let her know she’s not alone. Encourage her. Pray for her. Show up at her door (with a heads up)  with a venti iced white mocha with coconut milk and toffee nut.  Show her that you are there. This will bless her which in return will bless you far greater then you would expect!

Love you girls!

Let’s take on life together. 💕