For the Unseen Momma

To the momma who is dealing with two screaming kids in the store,
I see you.

To the momma missing another church service because their kiddo won’t let go,
I see you. 

To the momma feeling lost,
I see you.

To the momma busy feeding her kids while others have grown up conversations,
I see you. 

To the momma, struggling, just to keep it all together,
I see you. 

To the momma, doing it all alone,
I see you. 

To the momma, running late no matter how early you start getting everyone ready,
I see you.

To the momma,  feeling like failure,
I see you. 

To the momma, aching for her kiddos while she’s at work,
I see you. 

To the momma, feeling overwhelmed.
I see you.

To the momma, feeling guilty for missing independence,
I see you. 

To the momma, running her kids from one practice and game to another,
I see you.

To the momma, feeling unappreciated and invisible,
I see you.

To the momma, feeling inadequate to handle the obstacles being thrown at you, 
I see you.

To the momma, in the mirror,
I see you. 

I see YOU!!  And you are killin’ it!  You’re doing an incredible job, momma! You are seen, you are appreciated, you are loved, despite the feelings you feel.  You aren’t just seen by me, a fellow mom in the trenches, but you are seen so deeply and so completely by our Heavenly Father.  He sees you.  He sees YOU!  In every season, in every struggle, in every triumph, He sees you and KNOWS you, and cares for you.  He hasn’t forgotten you.  He hasn’t left you. He is with you.

Prayer:  Lord, thank you for these mommas who serve their families endlessly.  I pray that you would refresh and renew their strength.  Help them to know they are seen and loved by You, and that they are not alone.  I pray you would send them encouragement and incredible friendships.  I pray you would bless them.  Meet them right now, show them you are there with them! Amen. 

Action:  Give a fellow mom some extra love and encouragement this week.

Let’s take on life together!

Megan 

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Momming and Ministry:Part 1

Hey there friends!

I have missed you guys!!  This past month or so has been slammed full of summer fun for us, and I hope it has been for you too! We had friends and family visit, a week of youth camp, and finally our family vacation.  It’s been a blast, but has kept me busy and away from you!

I have a lot that I want to update you on but won’t be able to cram it all into one post. So, in this post, I’m going to share one of my biggest struggles in hopes that it encourages you. Before we get there, we have to go a ways back…

When I was a freshman in high school, God totally wrecked my life. I was a lost girl who was searching for love and purpose in things that would never fulfill me, and I was royally screwing up my life in the process. Jesus found me in the middle of my hurt and brokenness and changed me. He gave me hope. He gave me a purpose greater than fulfilling my selfish desires.

From that moment on, I lived my life completely for Him. I jumped all in and started serving in our youth ministry. I couldn’t get enough! I was involved in anything and everything. I went to camps, was called into ministry, went on missions trips, served anywhere and everywhere there was a need. I loved every minute of it! I poured myself out for our youth ministry, and it became my passion.

Fast forward a few years when I fell in love with my best friend. (I’ll share this story another time) I enjoyed every moment I was able to spend with him, and I still do! He was a pastor’s kid who spent time running from his calling, but was now on the path to becoming a pastor himself. It was a dream come true!  I would be able to be involved in ministry alongside my awesome, Jesus loving hubby!

After being married for 4 years, we became pregnant with our first child, Jaxon. We were also transitioning to our first youth pastor position. I could not be more excited about beginning this new journey as youth pastors and as parents. These were two of my biggest dreams coming true!! I was stoked!

Have you ever expected something to turn out one way, only to find yourself in a completely different reality? I had this vision of being a beaming, wonderful, carefree mom- after all, I had four younger siblings I helped raise – this being my pre”children of my own” thinking. I thought I would nail this momming thing. I was obviously very naive and had no idea how hard it was going to be.

Needless to say, I had a really hard time transitioning into motherhood. Did I love Jaxon with all my heart? Of course! Did I love being his mom? Absolutely! But, man! Motherhood is stinking hard! Sometimes, I think the most difficult part is letting go of the way you thought things were going to be. It’s hard letting go of your expectations and dreams of how you thought things were going to go and come to terms with your reality. This is something I continue to learn and battle daily.

I imagined every day being beautiful and magical with this precious and perfect baby boy and that it would all come so easy and naturally to me, but it didn’t. My days had beautiful and magical moments but they also had hard and lonely moments. I was lost and feeling like I had failed as a mom because I didn’t enjoy every single second of it. Some days I missed my old life. I missed my freedom. I missed “me” time. I missed having alone time with my hubby.

I never realized how selfish I was until I became a mom.

** I have to pause here to say, if you have mom friends in your life who come alongside you and cheer you on in your good and bad moments, you are incredibly blessed. If you don’t have mom friends like this, I totally feel you! I went through the first two years of motherhood alone and clueless. I had access to a couple really great moms, but I didn’t utilize those friendships like I should have.
If you are struggling as a mom, find mom friends who can invest in you and help you along the way, and be that kind of friend to others! I never realized how priceless this was until I was surrounded by INCREDIBLE, I mean, FANTASTIC mommies that have taken me under their wings and encouraged me on hard days. They encourage me without judgment and that is priceless.  Be that mom, friend!***

I thought that because I had a hard time transitioning to being a mother and because I missed how things used to be, that it made me a bad mom. I really beat myself up and struggled with a lot of guilt. I still struggle with guilt some days. But- now I know the importance of saving some time for me just to be me and be by myself. I have to remind myself constantly who I am and that being a mom doesn’t cancel that out.

Mom out there, who feels like she is constantly coming up short, who feels alone and missing out, who feels stuck in her day to day like you’re never going to have fun again, take a moment and breathe.  Acknowledge all those feelings you are having.  Soak them in.  Then, give them to God.   Let Him carry all the worry, anxiety, fear of what could happen or might happen, fear of you not doing a good enough job, and rest in knowing you are CHOSEN.  You are chosen for this season and you are going to be okay.

There are many days when I still have a hard time transitioning to motherhood.  I think back on the girl I used to be.  The one with crazy hair, a zeal for life, always dreaming, and I wonder where she is.   It is so easy to get so caught up in taking care of everyone else that we forget that WE are CALLED, we are CHOSEN, we have GREAT things in store, we have dreams that have yet to be dreamt, and that the best is ahead of us.

So today, spend some time with the Lord.  Ask Him to place those dreams and desires back in your heart, that spark back in your eyes, and dwell in who He has called you to be!img_7385-1

Let’s take on this life together! 💕

~ Megan

You Can’t Have Enough Ice Cream

Hey friends!

Yesterday was “one of those days.”  Where I was that mom and my son was that kid…  My incredibly sleep deprived self, got my kids up and at ’em, dropped my hubs off at work (I see you one vehicle families) and headed to summer book club!  Shout out to all you ladies who so kindly and graciously helped me in my state of craziness.   I hope the crazy exit we made didn’t keep you from hearing from the Lord!

I knew I had to leave early for Jaxon’s speech therapy but decided to go anyways.   I was really excited and knew Jaxon would have a great time playing with his friends and it would be a win for all of us.   Isn’t is great when your kids throw you for a loop?  As it turns out,  my son is not the super human who can function forever without sleep.  Apparently the perfect storm was brewing and decided to hit.  In the middle of book club.

I know that the ladies I’m surrounded by are all incredible and godly moms who were most likely not thinking about how I obviously don’t have my crap together and have no control over my kid.  I know that they are AMAZING and probably felt sorry for me and empathized with me.  I know thats how I feel when I see other moms in the same position.

Kid screaming and throwing a fit, baby crying because she’s hungry,  making a very loud and disruptive exit.   And I thought I would just sneak out.   Um no, not happening.   All of this after my toddler dumped toys out everywhere and kept screaming and having meltdowns.   Did I mention all the other children were perfect little angels?

spongebob-chaos-o.gif

As I sat in the car, I immediately began texting my husband and telling him all about how horrible our child had been and how embarrassed I was.   I told him that I was never going back to book club again.   How I felt like a horrible mom.  How I don’t have any idea what I’m doing at this momming thing.  How I just felt like I couldn’t get it right.

Ever been there?

Some days go like this.  Some days I feel like a crazy person.  Some days I feel like I’m barely holding it together.

Some days I have ice cream for lunch.


But what happens when thats not enough? What happens when everything I try to do to comfort myself fails? What happens when nothing is good enough?

I find that when I try to do this on my own, I fail epically.  Ever since I became a mom, I’ve felt clueless on what I’m doing.  That’s why it’s vital that I rely on the Lord.

I need Him.

I am daily aware of my weakness.  While I can use that to remind me of my need for the Lord and the importance of dwelling in His presence, I tend to allow the enemy to use my weakness to imprison me.

My first thought when leaving book club was not, “I can’t do this, I so need the Lord’s help.” It was “I can’t do this. I’m not cut out for this. I’m never showing my face here again.”

The enemy likes to leverage these moments against us.  Remind us of our shortcomings and hold us hostage. He likes to feed our insecurities and negative thoughts so we don’t receive what God has for us.

How easy it is to allow the enemy to have this power over us.  How easy it is to focus on our weakness instead of the Lord’s strength.


Live in the Lord’s strength, freedom, and grace today. You CAN do it because God’s got you! He supplies all that we need.  We just have to ask Him.

Prayer: Lord, help me and anyone else who is struggling with this. Help us take our eyes off of ourselves and our weaknesses and place them on You and Your perfect strength.  Help us to rely on YOUR strength and not on our own.  Fill us up.  Encourage us.  Take over our way of doing things and help us to walk in Your ways.  Amen! 

Action:  When you find yourself dwelling on your failures and shortcomings, refocus yourself on God’s perfect strength.  Allow Him to lead you instead of doing it alone.

I am so thankful for my amazing mom friends.  I am thankful for the ones who call to encourage me when I feel like giving up.  Thank you to every lady who checked on me and empathized with my day.  I love you!

Surround yourself with these types of ladies and be that girl yourself.

Love you all! Let’s take on life together!

~ Megan

Insecurity vs. Obedience

Let me take a moment to say a sincere thank you to everyone who has read, commented, liked, responded, and started following Heart of a Girl!  You guys are my heroes!   Thank you for encouraging me and laughing with me!

When I first felt the Lord stirring my heart about starting a blog,  I was hit with a lot of insecurities, doubts, and fears.   I felt like I had nothing to say.  I felt like EVERYONE had a blog and I would be just another person with a blog.  I felt like I didn’t have anything to offer.  All these “What ifs” started flooding my mind: 

What if I don’t have anything to say?
What if I quit this like so many other things I’ve quit?
What if I don’t follow through?
What if I lose interest?
What if I don’t know what I’m doing?
What if I can’t keep up with posting?
What if I’m not any good?
What if I’m just another blogger lost in the blogosphere?
What if I fail?
What if I say the wrong thing?
What if no one wants to read what I have to say?
What if no one likes it?
What if people think its stupid?
What if this….
What if that…

   These endless thoughts, fears, doubts – insecurities; flooded my mind.  I was so focused on these insecurities that I almost allowed them to cause me to be disobedient.   At the end of the day, my obedience matters not the answers to “What ifs”.  Even if my worst “What if” comes true, all I need to know is that I followed the Lord, trusted Him, and was obedient.

What is the Lord speaking to you about?  Are you walking in obedience or are you walking in fear?   Are you stepping out in faith and trusting Him even though the outcome is uncertain?  Is your mind so fogged with insecurity that you can’t see His will for you?

                                           “ Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
                                        don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
                        Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
                                              he’s the one who will keep you on track.
                                                 Don’t assume that you know it all.”
                                            Proverbs 3:5-7   (The Message)

Prayer:  Lord, thank you for being patient and gracious with us when we allow insecurities and fears to determine our steps instead of You.  Help us to follow You even when we are afraid.  Help us to trust that You have a plan and that following You is the best thing we could do.  Help us to be obedient and step out wherever you call us.   We want to be obedient no matter what!   No matter how hard or scary it may seem, we are trusting You!  I pray that you begin working miracles in the lives of those who are taking a step of faith with You!  Show them your goodness and faithfulness. Amen.

Action:  Evaluate yourself and begin walking in obedience in any area that you may currently be walking in fear.

Here’s to ignoring that voice that yells at me “WHAT IF” every time I hit the “Publish” button.   You guys are awesome!

Let’s take on life together!

~ Megan

Some Days

Ever feel like you are nailing this parenting thing?  You know those days where you made it without completely losing your mind.  Your child listened and followed directions, you did art time, song time, taught them a thing or two, made lunch, all while managing to not flip out on anyone or have any sort of emotional breakdown.  A day where you are sad to lay them down for bed because you had such a great time with them that you just want to soak up every second that you can?

I had a day like this once… I think.

But – more times than not, I lose it at least once.  I know this doesn’t set me up to be “parent of the year” and certainly not SAHM of the year. Most days I mess up most things.  Most days I feel like I have NO IDEA what in the world I’m doing. Most days I wonder how much counseling my kids are going to need if they ever survive this. Most days I question my sanity and wonder how they let me leave the hospital with these kids.

 

Jaxon throwing a fit because I had the audacity to go to the bathroom.


On days when I feel like I can’t get one thing right or anything right at all and I feel like everything I do is the complete WRONG thing, when I feel like my child will never learn to be the kind, considerate, person I keep trying to shape him to be, when I feel like I will never get the hang of this momming thing, there are tiny sparkling moments throughout the day to remind me that its going to be okay.

Its amazing how HUGE a difference such a tiny moment can make in this mommy’s day.  All I need is one hug, one kiss, one kind action, one moment of listening and following directions, a new thing learned, a tiny milestone, a helpful moment, a silent moment (especially this one😉).  Just ONE of any of these things can melt my hardened heart.  They can melt my anger, selfishness, frustration, weariness, insecurities, and doubts. When all that melts away,  all that remains is love.  LOVE for this tiny human who has such a hold on me.  Who has this power over me to bring out my best  despite my worst.

 

He really does love his sister

In those moments I am reminded not only how much I love my wonderful and amazing children but also how the Lord feels that same (BUT MUCH GREATER) love for me and for you! It doesn’t matter how far we fall, how many mistakes we make, how many times we should’ve driven Him crazy, His grace for us exceeds what we could ever imagine. He loves us. He sits patiently waiting for us to realize our need for Him and He longs to help us.

In tough moments be encouraged and know that you are not alone. You were specifically chosen to be the mommy to your kiddos. There is no one else more qualified or who could do this job like you! God called you to your kids and He will help you when you ask!

“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”     Hebrews‬ ‭4:16‬ 

Prayer: Lord, I pray for every mom out there that is feeling discouraged and overwhelmed. Every mom who feels so lonely and inadequate. I pray you would encourage her and send deep friendships into her life to lift her up and love her. I pray you would give her peace and comfort knowing you are by her side.  Fill her mind with Your truth and dissolve the lies the enemy tries to get her to believe. Give her the strength she needs. Lead her in Your love and grace. Help her to become the mom You have called her to be and to be able to walk in that confidently. Amen.

Action: Reach out to another mommy this week. Let her know she’s not alone. Encourage her. Pray for her. Show up at her door (with a heads up)  with a venti iced white mocha with coconut milk and toffee nut.  Show her that you are there. This will bless her which in return will bless you far greater then you would expect!

Love you girls!

Let’s take on life together. 💕

Forgiveness

forgiveness

This is the actual definition of forgiveness.

A lot of times we struggle with forgiveness and justify our anger or hatred towards someone because we feel we have the “right” to those feelings because of what has been done to us. But the Lord calls us to be like Him. Forgive like Him. Love like Him. Live like Him. This is extremely hard.

This is so hard when someone hurts you. They hurt you when you don’t deserve it. They hurt you when you showed kindness and love. They hurt you when you would do anything for them. They hurt you and turn their back on you. They hurt you much like we have hurt Jesus.

Yet, we receive love. We receive forgiveness. We receive grace. Even for our worst mistakes. Today, I choose to forgive. Forgive fully. To the point of wishing well. Forgive as Christ has forgiven me and continues to forgive me despite my many faults and failures.

Today, lets choose to forgive and love one another when we least deserve it.Eph 4.3col3.13

motherhood

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•Motherhood•

It’s hard to fully convey how much becoming a mother has changed me. There is nothing like staring in the face of the responsibility of raising this tiny human into a thriving adult.

Never have I felt such deep and overwhelming fear, inadequacy, anxiety, uncertainty, guilt, worry, and loneliness. It’s easy to let these feelings take over sometimes. BUT nothing, no amount of difficulty or negative feeling can steal the absolute JOY that motherhood brings.

I never imagined I was capable of such overwhelming love. A love so strong that it hurts. A love so automatic that it takes over everything else. Looking at my kids, I’m in awe that I could be trusted with something so important, so difficult, so beautiful, so rewarding.

For every difficult moment, every self-doubt, every emotional breakdown, every time I feel like I’m doing it all wrong, there are a million more tiny moments that fill my world and fill my heart with a flood of absolute and complete bliss and perfect happiness.

It amazes me how one tiny moment can change my whole outlook in a split second. A sweet smile, a slobbery kiss, a monumental milestone, a kind action, a right choice, a hug so tight you can barely breathe, a cuddle with you on the couch, playing pretend, singing the ABC’s for the thousandth time, sharing a toy with a friend; these tiny moments of accomplishment make up the joy of being a mom. I can feel like a failure and that feeling can disappear at a moments notice when my kid looks as me with such pure and innocent love and trust.

These motherhood moments slip through our fingers like grains of sand. Take those moments, use them as an opportunity to build castles with that sand and build as many as you can.

Happy Mother’s Day!